Dancing to a New Beat

I have just been to my first pole dancing class. Although I had been very nervous prior to the class, as always I found that I was in my head a complete natural. It seemed only fair, considering my many, many years of ballet training. Alas, reality, as always, proved quite different to that world in my head. For one thing, I have little to no upper body strength despite the push ups I do every morning; all my power is in my legs. And for another, I seemed to be quite unable to do anything correctly. I found myself close to tears as the instructor told me, for the fourth/fifth/twelve millionth time, not to jump. Every time I walked around the pole, it got to the point I had to flick my legs around and I panicked and jumped. Which is apparently a big no-no.

Of course, I am trying to remember that it was only my first session and so my confidence shouldn't be knocked quite so severely. Unfortunately, I am all too easily convinced of my inadequacies. If I can't do something straight away then I find it very difficult to believe that I ever could. This said, one thing that I have always seemed to lack and affinity for is giving up. I just never have seemed to be able to give up on anything. In addition to this, I have seen the girls at work on the pole; they look wonderful. I need to be able to do what they can do and part of me will always believe that one day I will be able to.

I also found, to my embarrassment, that my shorts were, as I had though, really too small. During stretching, they showed, quite clearly, my completely un-sexy old and faded pink knickers. Which was wonderful. If someone had been playing spot the stripper, they certainly wouldn't have picked me.

In fact, I'm not quite sure who they would have picked. The class, as was my expectation, was made up primarily of people who were just powerful young ladies who have probably never even thought of stripping as a viable option. Which is, of course, fair enough. I would have liked to have spotted one girl slightly more sexual, though. I suppose that girl is me, although it wasn't completely clear tonight.

There were two lads in the class, which I must say I was a little surprised at, a fact that, being the niece of a male ballet dancer, I am a little loathed to admit.

So that was my first pole dancing experience. I didn't enjoy myself and I have come away distinctly dissatisfied, but only at myself and I will, therefore, stick at it and maybe one day I will be wonderful.

Maybe.

Flirting with Strangers

On Saturday afternoon, I had to go out into town with my boss to hand out leaflets promoting the club. This meant that he took me into a few bars and I had to approach groups of men and attempt to convince them to come to the club.

I hated it.
I struggle enough approaching men who are already in the club and at least I know that there is a high probability that they want to be around strippers. Something that even surprises people who know quite well is that I am actually painfully shy. I am sociable and friendly, so much so that I come across as confident, but the entire time that I am around people, I am uncomfortable and frightened. Of course, my boss doesn't know this. In fact, one of the first questions he asked me, after "You know this is a lap dancing deal, right?", was "You're not shy, are you?" and I said, "No, not at all; I am very confident". That was a lie.

Luckily, I have always been a flirt and, although I am frequently insecure about my appearance, I know that people are, inexplicably, attracted to me. Also, I wore one of my best daytime flirting outfits.

The shirt is a sheer one from New Look and I wore a little strappy vest top also from New Look underneath. The skirt is a denim one that I have had for years and is therefore actually too small for me. This, annoyingly, causes it to ride up, but also means that it shows off my figure just that little bit more. The belt is elasticated and another thing that I have had for years; it stops the skirt from ending up around my torso. The little red suede shoes are from Deichmann and I adore them. I just thing that they are the cutest things in the world and they make me feel like a lady. 

Make up wise, I didn't want to go overboard because it was daytime and I don't generally wear a lot of makeup. I wore my Eylure lashes that I cut the outer corners off and glued to the new outer corners because I only have little facial features but still want exaggerated outer lashes. I used a tiny bit of my Barry M eyeliner which I swear by and probably wont ever replace with a different eyeliner. I also wore my new Max Factor Flipstick Colour Effect lipstick  for the first time out of my room. 

We didn't manage to hand out as many fliers as my boss would have liked, which wasn't entirely my fault; there just weren't many groups of men out. I didn't get paid for the afternoon, but my boss bought me lunch, which was nice of him. 

That evening I worked in the club and I had a pretty good night. I gave several dances and everyone was very grateful and decent. There were no idiots that made me feel uncomfortable or said anything mean. In fact, I was inundated with compliments, which made me more than a little happy. I gave my first two girl dance, which I enjoyed although I wasn't initially sure how to go about it. I tried to just follow the other girl and she kept whispering to me to tell me what to do. She was actually the girl who taught me how to give a dance on my first night; she has definitely looked after me. In fact, all the girls have; I am very lucky. 

I came away from work on Saturday night with sore legs, £116 and a big smile. I hope more nights are like that one. 

Money Spending

I went shopping for work stuff today. This meant that a trip to Ann Summers. It may surprise you to find out that I am actually a little of a prude when it comes to underwear; I have only worn a thong for ballet shows and even then I wasn't particularly comfortable with it. So I had never been in Ann Summers before because I had heard things that made me feel uncomfortable. But I figured that now that I get payed to take my clothes off for strangers, I should probably get over my lingerie issues. Particularly as I write a blog called 'Heels and Lingerie'.

The Ann Summers where I live is a small one; I'm not sure if they are usually that sort of size but there didn't seem like a lot. I was struck straight away with how neat the shop was. Everything was in sets of several matching pieces. I like that a lot; it just looks better that way. I was also struck by how feminine the lingerie all seemed to be; it just didn't seem slutty at all. In fact, even though I am incredibly fussy about underwear, I was actually spoiled for choice. Originally I planned to just by a pair of knickers and possibly some hosiery.  Unfortunately, the style of knickers that I particularly wanted didn't seem to be available and, despite being the no longer prudish new me, I wasn't quite ready for a thong. So I found this beautiful body thing. It is just the sweetest thing; I love the floral lace and the pale pink/nude leotard underneath. I do feel like it was maybe made for someone with slightly bigger breasts than mine, but I can live with that.

I was just going to leave with that and not bother with any hosiery, but the woman at the till just had to mention the 3 for 2 deal, that I had already seen and decided that I didn't care about, and I was up for buying them. She helped me choose and I was really thankful for the kind service that I received. Particularly as I wasn't exactly in my element and I had managed to convince myself that they knew intuitively that I was a stripper. Despite really enjoying my job and not exactly being ashamed of it, I still worry what other people think of me about it. Of course, there was little to no chance that they did know; they probably just thought that I was planning something special for my boyfriend.

After buying the lingerie, I popped to Boots to treat myself to some lipstick. This is half for work and half for myself. I bought Max Factor Flipstick Colour Effect in number 30 - Gypsy Red. I have been coverting this since it came out because it looks so cool on the adverts. I hardly ever buy makeup because it always seems horribly expensive, but I felt like I deserved this and, given my new wages, I could afford it. It is just as cool in real life as in the advert and this is the perfect colour for my skin tone. It also is very nice to apply and comfortable on the lips. I definitely recommend it.

So it looks like now I am all ready for work on Saturday. Wish me luck.

A new job.

I have been a stripper for four days now. I have worked two nights and danced fully nude in front of an indeterminate number of strange men. I'm nineteen years old, relatively attractive and somewhat on the intelligent side. Maybe, like the man told me last night in between telling me how much he hated strip clubs and how many times he had been stabbed, I am worth more than this. But the way I see it, it's because I'm smart that I am doing the job I am doing. I'm a University student and lap dancing not only encompass many of the things I love in life, like high heels, dancing, attention and looking pretty, it also pays very well. So the fact that I am studying for a degree, have a decent figure and a face that I don't hate shouldn't mean that stripping isn't for me, in fact, quite the opposite.

I guess I always knew that I wanted to be a stripper. I'm pretty sure that I have a diary entry from when I was about fourteen that says that this was my role in life. In more recent years I have become more attracted to the idea of burlesque, but I am sure I will get to that at some point. I have always been a performer; attention is something I thrive upon. I live off compliments and the idea of being around so many people who are attracted to me is a dream for me.

I also love to get dressed up, to do my hair and makeup. I have never had a terrible extensive makeup collection; I use eye shadow that I received for a birthday present many years ago as blusher. My lipsticks were mixed by me from old, cheap lipsticks that were not the right colour for me. I don't own foundation and can honestly say I don't know how to use it. Nobody ever taught me how to put makeup on, but this doesn't stop me loving it. On an everyday basis, I don't generally wear a large amount of it because I am lazy, but I love an excuse to pretty myself up. I bought false eyelashes especially for my first day. I chose my favourite ones: Nicola's ones for the Eylure Girls Aloud range. I think that they are beautiful and elegant; just because I take my clothes off for money doesn't mean that I can't be glamorous or lady-like.

High heels are a true love of mine. I have always had a real weakness for shoes and heels are just wonderful.  The fact that I not only can, but have to work in heels is like a blessing to me.

So I honestly love my new job. There are more reasons, but I will not go into them all right now. You can think what you like about lap dancers and I can't say that I won't be hurt by any insults that you may choose to throw my way, but I don't believe that I am what you would think I would be, nor do I see myself as a stereotype. I am a free thinking, clever individual who just happens to dance in front of strangers with no clothes on for money.