2 Birds, Many Stones, No Death

First up, I would like to apologise for the fact that the word 'birds' in the title of this post does in fact refer to girls. Yes, I find this revolting and reminiscent of big, rough skinhead men from either Manchester or London who like to pat girls on the arse. Unfortunately, as there was only one other girl working with me on Thursday night, the opportunity for a pun was too much for me to pass up. 

Having only one other girl working was great for me. I am not terribly pushy so usually I loose customers to the more experienced girls. Which means that I don't give as many dances as the others and therefore don't make as much money. On Thursday, I made £180. In real cash that I can hold in my hand. Which is all very exciting for me.

The question that all the men seemed to be asking me was 'do you enjoy your job?' Now, I am going to be honest here, when, in my first post, I said that I love my job, I wasn't being completely honest. I was rationalising. I have always had issues with anxiety and my emotions were doing complicated things. I had just got a job as an actual stripper and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it. On top of this, I wasn't sure that  I was actually very good at it, which worried me. My second night a few experiences had knocked my confidence a little and, as I have mentioned before, it doesn't take much to make me feel as though I actually can't do something.

Most of those doubts have left me now, and I was being truthful when I told the men on Thursday night that I do actually love my job. I always start feeling uncomfortable and awkward in the club on my own, but as soon as I get noticed by a potential customer, I am feeling better. Every dance makes me smile and I stop thinking almost completely. This is a big deal to me as I am one of the most uptight people; I am almost permanently stressed. But dancing, even nude, takes that away from me.

I don't feel degraded; I feel attractive, even sexy, although I dislike that word. I talk to the men that come in, have a laugh with them. I talk to them about the subject I am studying at university, about science fiction, about 'Supernatural' and 'Buffy'. On Thursday night, the first group of lads all wished me luck with University. I feel that my intellect is recognised and it actually helps me to make money.

So I really do love my job. It still makes me feel a little anxious, but leaving my room makes me feel anxious; I can't really base anything on whether it makes me feel stressed.