The Magic That Is Mike

As those of you who follow me on Tumblr may have noticed, I watched Magic Mike on Wednesday night. Now, I very much enjoyed it despite not being the kind of girl who just goes silly over almost entirely naked men. I watched it with the intention of blogging about it, seeing as it is a film about stripping and this is a blog about stripping. I took many, many notes while watching it; this may be a long post.

What Can't You Touch?
This initial setting down of the rules only to take them away with 'but I think we got a lot of lawbreakers in here' intrigued me. Despite the laws, it is considered acceptable for the women to touch the men. Now, in the club where I work at least, and I am assuming in other clubs in the country, the men don't touch women. The women don't want to be touched and the men that do try to touch the women are at the very least looked down upon. I am not talking about actual sexual assault here, because obviously that is always wrong, I just found an interesting difference in the way male and female strippers expect their customers to act. Similarly, I found that the enthusiasm of the girls was very different to the way the men act in the club I work in. This may be because it is only a small club, but, in all honesty, I can't see them getting that excitable, even in a big club.

Promotional Work
I mentioned in an earlier post about promotional work and how I hated it. I will admit that I have only been once, but I was struck by how easy it seems to be for Mike and Adam to do. I'm not sure if this is because it is already night and I was promoting in the day time or if it is because they are male. I hate to go on and on about gender roles and essentially become a stereotype, but it does seem more accepted and therefore easier for men to approach girls than the other way around. I also wonder if it were easier for Adam not initially knowing what he was promoting.

Big Performances
I think that the dances, both the group ones and the individual ones are what really sold the film for me; I am an absolute sucker for dance movies. At the club where I work, we have a tiny stage with a pole on it. Sometimes girls get up to dance, but there is no production, no show. As a dancer, a performer, I envy the girls at bigger clubs for their audiences. I haven't yet got on the pole because I don't yet know how I would go about doing that.

His First Time
Something that I do not envy Adam for is his first dance. My first dance was for a young lad from Argentina, just the one, with no one else watching. Admittedly he struggled to accept the 'no touching' rule, but at least that was all. He had no previous experience of strip clubs, had no expectations, was just happy to see a naked girl. Now Adam, poor Adam, had to do his first, awkward and uncomfortable dance in front of loads of women, his boss and his new co-workers. I would not have been able to do that.

Learning Lessons
In the film, Adam gets a lot more direction than I have had. On my first night, I was given a lap dance by one of the girls and since then I have had no real insight into anything. Adam gets a mirrored room with his boss telling him exactly how to do his job. He gets to go on a shopping trip for 'work clothes' with Mike who really helps him with what he should wear. I have so far only been on the one shopping trip and it was on my own. Yes, I bought something pretty, but also yes, it was directionless and awkward.

Family Issues
Now, as I mentioned recently, my family do not know what I actually do for money. I would not leave my stuff hanging around where any family member may see it, in fact, I have not bought actual stripper shoes and do not plan to because I would be worried that my mum would see them. But Adam got caught be his sister. I would quite like to know how she didn't guess straight away. If I saw this sudden change and acquiring of interesting and 'exotic' attire, I would not first think 'gay', but instead 'stripper'. And then she went to the show. I have younger brothers; if I had been informed that they were strippers, I would not go to the club where they were stripping. That would be weird.

House Calls
I don't know how I would feel about going to houses to strip for parties. I have seen 'Player's Club' (maybe I will blog about that one day in the future; I have a lot to say about it), and it doesn't seem entirely fun. In fact, in this film it doesn't seem quite jelly and ice cream.

Some Final Points

• The miniature pig is my favourite character, closely followed by his owner, if only for her perfect hair and despite the fact that she is just a drug addict with no real character development. 
• Mike's house is absolutely beautiful and I dream of one day living in that exact house, even if it doesn't actually exist in the real world.  
• "I think we should be best friends" - yes this is really rather cute and, yes, this is what I want. I will admit that I went into stripping with the expectation that I would find a guide, a really close female friend who would look out for me. Unfortunately, despite how lovely the girls I work with are, I have yet to find that relationship.
• "You're not just stripping. You are fulfilling every woman's wildest fantasies." I just like this quotation. My boss has said something similar to me, only about men, not women. 
• How much clothes do they go through? They just keep ripping them off. Do they have to buy them themselves?

I said that I took many notes, didn't I? So yes, I very much enjoyed this film. It didn't need anything more than it had, in my opinion. I watched it like I watch a dance movie and didn't worry about it. 

A Distinct Lack of Money Making

Last weekend was not a good one for work. I worked Thursday night and managed to give three dances. I was supposed to work on Saturday night too, but the time of the month came along. What are strippers supposed to do when they are on their period? I am just going to have to assume that they can't work. This left my grand total of money earnt that weekend at £24; far less than the previous week's £180.

Drinking on the job, with the boss
I may have mentioned that my boss is a darling. He often orders the girls drinks, particularly on dead nights like last Thursday. He offered me a drink several times on Thursday, but I wasn't feeling very well and I'm actually not much of a drinker. He saw me drinking at one point in the night and was amused to find that the drink in my hand was water. At the end of the night, he gave me and one other girl a shot of something lemon-y. I personally don't like sherbet and this was exactly what the drink tasted like, but I managed.

He has offered to take me to lunch one day; I am sure I will go. I can't tell what kind of relationship he is trying to have with me; I can't tell if he is properly flirting or if he is just looking after me. Don't get me wrong, despite his working in a strip club, he isn't sleazy. He flirts with all the girls and I am fine with that; I am a flirt myself. I just don't want him thinking that we could ever be anything else. Luckily, I am very good at saying no.

Innocence Maintained
My boss laughs at me because of my naivety, my wide eyed innocence. Of course, I absolutely play on that; I am the baby of the group and I use that. It helps in my line of work. The owner of the club, a different man to my boss, told me that my innocence is what will make me a fortune. I will admit, I find that a little gross, but I have been using my vulnerability as a way of attracting people for a long time.  Obviously, a lot of it is exaggeration; I am still a stripper, but I am also a tiny bit of a prude and easily shocked. On top of this, I have a young looking face, rounded with little features.

I do not believe that stripping will take away the naivety that I have; life would have already taken it if it were to happen. Besides, even if I were to stop being truly naive at all, it's the part I play best of all. I have my giggle spot on and most of the time it is faker than it sounds. So maybe I will make a fortune yet. Just not last weekend.

On Going Public

Just how important is honesty, anyway? 
So I just evaded telling a group of my friends what I do for money far more deliberately and drastically than I would have thought would be in character for me. I actually physically left the bar where we were all sat chatting and having a laugh so as to avoid having to tell them. Now I'm left with a dilemma. Should I have told them? Perhaps I should send a message on facebook to at least the one who I am closest to as a friend. I am naturally an honest and open person; I have always found that I lack secrets almost entirely. This is not necessarily a thing that I have worked hard to maintain or even something that is really a conscious thing; being unable to keep information in is simply a quirk of my character. It has something to do with my struggle with anxiety.

This said, this was actually the second occasion I have withheld information about my chosen occupation; in fact, I outright lied to my mother. Oh, please believe me, I feel terrible about it. I don't like to make a habit of lying to my mother, but I am working much harder than she knows to be her baby. I will spare you the sob story as it's horribly cliched and I don't like to whinge.

So now I am thinking about how it was when the people who do know found out. Why is it I am afraid of telling new people?

What does it mean when they are not surprised?
The first person who I spoke to face-to-face about my new job was a lad who lives on the same floor as me in the halls I am staying in at University and who is also in some of my lectures. I hadn't spoken to anyone since getting off the phone with my new boss and I was buzzing with excitement, nerves and disbelief. I couldn't keep the news in; really I would have told anyone. I told him that I had got a job as a 'dancer in a club' and he understood. He took it so calmly and without question that I have since wondered a little how it is that others see me. But not too much, as I am quite sure that they do not look down upon me and actually, generally, quite like me.

Very soon after I had told him, I told a girl on my course who I am really quite close to. She took it just as calmly and wished me luck on my first night. So, thus far, I had been what I considered rather lucky, although I still wasn't thinking entirely straight as I was still a little drunk on the news of my new employment.

A slight belief and morality clash
I had texted my best friend at University, a boy both on my course and my corridor, as soon as I had got off the phone to my boss. However, he had been busy until the lecture and I didn't actually get to talk to him about it until we had actually sat down for the lecture. He was very uncomfortable about it and, quite frankly, taken aback. I was a little surprised by this as I had talked about becoming a stripper before and I don't think I ever came across as though I was joking about it. As I mentioned before, I am generally quite open and honest, particularly about things such related to sexuality. There is little that the people I live with do not know about my sexuality.

Under a little interrogation when the two of us were in a more private setting, I found that strip clubs were not places that he thought should exist. He is quite a devote Catholic and therefore has a very different moral views from me, a pro-sex Atheist. We agreed to not talk about it again, but it did make things a little awkward between us for about a week before we sorted it out with an Angel marathon.

A noisy and large grapevine
By dinner the next day, I got the distinct feeling that far more people than I had told knew about my recent employment. The lads were loving it and were even planning an outing for my first night until I put my foot down about it. They were very excited for me. They were actually being very sensible and serious about it, considering the fact that they were now living with a stripper.

The girls weren't so enthusiastic. They worried for my safety and acted as though this were something that I had been forced into. One girl begged me to not do it and offered to go job hunting with me, making me feel like a lesser part of society and distinctly less that comfortable about being around them. They weren't trying to make me feel bad about it, as far as I can tell, and I don't believe that they were judging me for it; they just couldn't understand that I am well equipped for taking care of myself.

A job as a flirting device
I told a few of the lads I had been flirting with about my job. This was after telling a boy I went on a date once but am now just friends with. I had initially worried that he would judge me, or look at me in a different way, as he is a good, nice boy, but he told me that I was actually more attractive to him now. This, obviously, interested me and I, as an experiment, told a few more lads. I found that I got the same response. I am sure that if I were looking for a serious relationship it would be different, although I am not sure how different; I have always made it clear that, moral views-wise, I am not like other girls. So maybe it wouldn't make any difference at all.

Perhaps I have to just tell people and let them decide what they think, rather than me deciding what they will think and just never letting the find out.

Shopping For a Nice Skin

I obviously mean 'shopping for nice skin' in the least creepy and serial-killer way possible. It was just the best way I could think of to say ' I went shopping for skincare products' without simply saying that. I had been having a couple of slightly bad skin days recently; this is probably something to do with my habit of eating entire packets of biscuits in less than an hour. So I decided to pop to Boots, a nice, big pharmacy chain that I'm not sure exists outside of the UK (it might; I haven't checked). This is the first time I have picked up a basket while shopping in Boots. In all honesty, I probably didn't need it considering I only bought four things, but I thought that there might have been a chance that I would splash out for once and buy more. Turns out that I am just as much of a cheapskate as I always have been and the fact that I suddenly earn money now hasn't changed that. 

Boots' Royal Jelly With Extracts of Pure Honey Hydrating Body Wash and Nourishing Body Souffle

I love this range. Absolutely adore it. A couple of years ago, my mum bought my sisters and I a set of small versions of this and I absolutely fell in love. It smells absolutely divine; it's quite strong and it leaves the skin smelling of honey for days after use. My current moisturiser is also supposed to smell like honey but, in all honesty, I bought it from the 99p shop back home and it just isn't the same as the Boots stuff. I just can't begin to explain how good these products smell. I nearly bought the whole range, but then I remembered that I already have soap and hand cream and I don't have a bath where I live at University to put bubble bath in to. In this way, my rational brain, the one that hates to spend any money at all, prevented me from putting everything in the basket. Which is pretty lucky, I guess. 

Soap and Glory's The Fab Pore Intensive-Action Pore-Refining Facial Peel

I think Soap and Glory are great; how could I possibly not when they offer me punny names and vintage-inspired packaging? Also, they are predominantly pink and I can't help that being a weakness of mine; it's the ballet dancing four year old fairy princess in me. I was going to get a face mask, but for some reason I chose this. I think I just like the top of the box, which isn't on this photograph but is quite pretty. It has a clean smell about it, which is quite positive for a skin-care product. 

Boots' Tea Tree and Witch Hazel Exfoliating Face Scrub

Years and years ago, my mum told me that witch hazel is good for getting rid of spots and other skin impurities. In addition to this, I have pretty much always felt that you can't go too far wrong with tea tree. My dad calls it all Voodoo and doesn't believe in any of this as he claims that it is fake science. But even if I weren't taken in by the promise of the cleansing and calming powers of witch hazel and tea tree, I really like the font and colours on the packaging of this range. I only bought the face scrub because I like the way you feel like it is doing something. Which is probably exactly what my dad objects to. 

So it looks like I am all ready for a pampering session tonight. Well, as good a pampering session that I can have without a very hot bubble bath. It's a shame I can't have that; I will just have to make do with this and an episode of Supernatural. 

2 Birds, Many Stones, No Death

First up, I would like to apologise for the fact that the word 'birds' in the title of this post does in fact refer to girls. Yes, I find this revolting and reminiscent of big, rough skinhead men from either Manchester or London who like to pat girls on the arse. Unfortunately, as there was only one other girl working with me on Thursday night, the opportunity for a pun was too much for me to pass up. 

Having only one other girl working was great for me. I am not terribly pushy so usually I loose customers to the more experienced girls. Which means that I don't give as many dances as the others and therefore don't make as much money. On Thursday, I made £180. In real cash that I can hold in my hand. Which is all very exciting for me.

The question that all the men seemed to be asking me was 'do you enjoy your job?' Now, I am going to be honest here, when, in my first post, I said that I love my job, I wasn't being completely honest. I was rationalising. I have always had issues with anxiety and my emotions were doing complicated things. I had just got a job as an actual stripper and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it. On top of this, I wasn't sure that  I was actually very good at it, which worried me. My second night a few experiences had knocked my confidence a little and, as I have mentioned before, it doesn't take much to make me feel as though I actually can't do something.

Most of those doubts have left me now, and I was being truthful when I told the men on Thursday night that I do actually love my job. I always start feeling uncomfortable and awkward in the club on my own, but as soon as I get noticed by a potential customer, I am feeling better. Every dance makes me smile and I stop thinking almost completely. This is a big deal to me as I am one of the most uptight people; I am almost permanently stressed. But dancing, even nude, takes that away from me.

I don't feel degraded; I feel attractive, even sexy, although I dislike that word. I talk to the men that come in, have a laugh with them. I talk to them about the subject I am studying at university, about science fiction, about 'Supernatural' and 'Buffy'. On Thursday night, the first group of lads all wished me luck with University. I feel that my intellect is recognised and it actually helps me to make money.

So I really do love my job. It still makes me feel a little anxious, but leaving my room makes me feel anxious; I can't really base anything on whether it makes me feel stressed.

Dancing to a New Beat

I have just been to my first pole dancing class. Although I had been very nervous prior to the class, as always I found that I was in my head a complete natural. It seemed only fair, considering my many, many years of ballet training. Alas, reality, as always, proved quite different to that world in my head. For one thing, I have little to no upper body strength despite the push ups I do every morning; all my power is in my legs. And for another, I seemed to be quite unable to do anything correctly. I found myself close to tears as the instructor told me, for the fourth/fifth/twelve millionth time, not to jump. Every time I walked around the pole, it got to the point I had to flick my legs around and I panicked and jumped. Which is apparently a big no-no.

Of course, I am trying to remember that it was only my first session and so my confidence shouldn't be knocked quite so severely. Unfortunately, I am all too easily convinced of my inadequacies. If I can't do something straight away then I find it very difficult to believe that I ever could. This said, one thing that I have always seemed to lack and affinity for is giving up. I just never have seemed to be able to give up on anything. In addition to this, I have seen the girls at work on the pole; they look wonderful. I need to be able to do what they can do and part of me will always believe that one day I will be able to.

I also found, to my embarrassment, that my shorts were, as I had though, really too small. During stretching, they showed, quite clearly, my completely un-sexy old and faded pink knickers. Which was wonderful. If someone had been playing spot the stripper, they certainly wouldn't have picked me.

In fact, I'm not quite sure who they would have picked. The class, as was my expectation, was made up primarily of people who were just powerful young ladies who have probably never even thought of stripping as a viable option. Which is, of course, fair enough. I would have liked to have spotted one girl slightly more sexual, though. I suppose that girl is me, although it wasn't completely clear tonight.

There were two lads in the class, which I must say I was a little surprised at, a fact that, being the niece of a male ballet dancer, I am a little loathed to admit.

So that was my first pole dancing experience. I didn't enjoy myself and I have come away distinctly dissatisfied, but only at myself and I will, therefore, stick at it and maybe one day I will be wonderful.

Maybe.

Flirting with Strangers

On Saturday afternoon, I had to go out into town with my boss to hand out leaflets promoting the club. This meant that he took me into a few bars and I had to approach groups of men and attempt to convince them to come to the club.

I hated it.
I struggle enough approaching men who are already in the club and at least I know that there is a high probability that they want to be around strippers. Something that even surprises people who know quite well is that I am actually painfully shy. I am sociable and friendly, so much so that I come across as confident, but the entire time that I am around people, I am uncomfortable and frightened. Of course, my boss doesn't know this. In fact, one of the first questions he asked me, after "You know this is a lap dancing deal, right?", was "You're not shy, are you?" and I said, "No, not at all; I am very confident". That was a lie.

Luckily, I have always been a flirt and, although I am frequently insecure about my appearance, I know that people are, inexplicably, attracted to me. Also, I wore one of my best daytime flirting outfits.

The shirt is a sheer one from New Look and I wore a little strappy vest top also from New Look underneath. The skirt is a denim one that I have had for years and is therefore actually too small for me. This, annoyingly, causes it to ride up, but also means that it shows off my figure just that little bit more. The belt is elasticated and another thing that I have had for years; it stops the skirt from ending up around my torso. The little red suede shoes are from Deichmann and I adore them. I just thing that they are the cutest things in the world and they make me feel like a lady. 

Make up wise, I didn't want to go overboard because it was daytime and I don't generally wear a lot of makeup. I wore my Eylure lashes that I cut the outer corners off and glued to the new outer corners because I only have little facial features but still want exaggerated outer lashes. I used a tiny bit of my Barry M eyeliner which I swear by and probably wont ever replace with a different eyeliner. I also wore my new Max Factor Flipstick Colour Effect lipstick  for the first time out of my room. 

We didn't manage to hand out as many fliers as my boss would have liked, which wasn't entirely my fault; there just weren't many groups of men out. I didn't get paid for the afternoon, but my boss bought me lunch, which was nice of him. 

That evening I worked in the club and I had a pretty good night. I gave several dances and everyone was very grateful and decent. There were no idiots that made me feel uncomfortable or said anything mean. In fact, I was inundated with compliments, which made me more than a little happy. I gave my first two girl dance, which I enjoyed although I wasn't initially sure how to go about it. I tried to just follow the other girl and she kept whispering to me to tell me what to do. She was actually the girl who taught me how to give a dance on my first night; she has definitely looked after me. In fact, all the girls have; I am very lucky. 

I came away from work on Saturday night with sore legs, £116 and a big smile. I hope more nights are like that one.